i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
