Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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