Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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