I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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