I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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