last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
