I just cut my nipple shaving
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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