Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
