you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
