You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
