my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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