when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
