Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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