Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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