Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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