Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
