I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found puke in my bra..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
