I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
