god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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