On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
