so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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