some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
