respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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