i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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