you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
