DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
