Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
