I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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