good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
