oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
