Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
