I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
