if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
