hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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