Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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