Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
