ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
