She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
