is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
