So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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