its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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