I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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