It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
