'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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