I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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