If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
True strength comes from lack of pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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