i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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