do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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