I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
