So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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