Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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