people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
