She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
