So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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