Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
