i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
